Everyone is in on it
The Onion reports on the staggering scope of insider trading in this country.
After I work out my plea bargain, I am going to retreat to my mountain hideout I plan to pen Confessions of an Inside Trader: My Year-Long Affair with Martha Stewart. It's got all the sleazy details about how I received a fax from Sam "The coke-freak" Waksal while hunkered down in a remote, but tasteful, bed and breakfast with Martha. I don't actually sleep with Martha, because that's no longer possible because of her plastic surgeries and the sheer horror of it; the relationship consists mostly of catalog browsing and trips to KMart. But, anyway, the fax came through on a delightful pink hand-made paper that clogged the machine.... I handed the note to Martha, who exclaimed, "Shit, I gotta call my broker!" But, I'm saving the details for my meeting with the SEC.Posted by Mitch Ratcliffe at October 22, 2002 05:28 PM | TrackBack